Allusive is the power of the spoken word, when rarely does it hold any meaning. I don’t find myself speaking these days to instill knowledge onto those around me; instead I speak in order to keep the rain from blowing in my direction. I speak in order to conform, yet I scream in order to rebel. I sometimes find myself just ready to explode from all this, I’m stuck in the middle between what I want and what the world expects of me. I say what I think others want to hear in order to gain softer gazes upon myself, when really this is just further erasing exactly what it is I am, what it is I stand for and believe. There is no way that every person I encounter will understand me, nor is it possibly for me to understand every person I encounter. Although this truth lye directly in front of my eyes I still find it hard to take in. How do you get someone to see you, who isn’t looking? If someone was to spend their entire life searching for coal, how exactly do you get them to see a diamond? Not saying that I am a diamond, but I could possibly be some kind of ruby, or emerald. (Laugh out loud) I just know that when I look back on the days I lived, as the very last seconds of my life tick away, I want to be able to say I made a difference, not that I went to school and got a real nice job and worked 8 hours a day so that I could live comfortably as I aged, and have health care so if I were too fall ill I could be taken care of; to me that just sounds really depressing and I want no part of it.

Some people would say that life can be split up into two categories, comedy or tragedy. Some would say they don’t know what the fuck they are talking about, like me… I would say that. I do find it quite mind boggling as to what people put preference on these days though. Ask yourself, "What is the point of my existence?" I will tell you what I believe the point of mine is. What it is that I live for, why do I exist? I have thought very heavily about this one question, more so than any other in my life and upon thinking I have learned that….I live for each laugh that is spaced in between my tears. As depressing as that may sound, knowing that is what keeps me at peace with myself. There is beauty in the breakdown.

They say money can’t buy you love, trust, honor, integrity, character, money is the root of all evil, heard all this before? I find it so crazy that people hear and know all of this, yet they still crave money, and they make themselves miserable in order to get rich, in order to be happy??? What the fuck, right? I know, tell me about it. Oh yeah, Beauty in the breakdown... Let’s get back on track here Adam! I have always thought a little different about various things, as opposed to my peers. One thing that I noticed is that I am happy to just have life; just to experience life makes me happy. I don’t feel I need a huge house, 10 cars, a pool, private plane or anything like that. I do feel I need true friends, maybe a true love, and a clear head. Sometimes I feel like the world is just one big corrupt cesspool that’s slowly filling up, and one day everyone will just realize how stupid they have been, how stupid they have all been for putting emphases on such miniscule things… let me ask you …would you take a million dollars, or a true love? The fucked up thing is that 99.9% of everyone in this world would take the million dollars, and that just proves my point. Look how lost and forgotten the important things in life are, look at how greedy we have all become! If I rephrase that question, maybe some people would wise up.... if I said, "you know you will be dead in 5 minutes, would you rather me put this briefcase of money in your arms, or this person who loves you, and whom you love?"…you can’t take anything with you when you die people! The only think you can take with you is your last thoughts, to what point or degree I don’t know, but I do know there will be no ghostly bank accounts or ghostly savings bonds. I’m not by any means saying it’s unimportant to do well in life, but don’t do it at the expense of your own happiness, or the happiness of the people who love and care about you. Time is the most valuable thing human beings have, yet there are people selling hours of their life for $6… get it if you need it, if you don’t just let it go. I really wish that people would just stop and take it all in once and a while. There is a lot to see in the world around you, a lot of beauty and the majority of the time it all comes and goes without one person noticing its importance. I’m talking about the "small things" in life, ironically named seeing as they are the biggest and most important things going down here. If for instance I go on a date with someone that I really like, say she and I go see a movie, chances are I will not really remember the movie that well, nor will I care much about watching it. I might remember what she was wearing that day, what we talked about, the smell in the air, the feeling of rain as it hit my skin on the way to the car, the way she laughed, and the list goes on and on. Maybe I’m weird but it just seems like I remember so much… and if I can help it I would like to remember what is actually important in life, not the plot to some movie or some such. I know I am sounding stupid right now to a great majority of people who are reading this… but try to remember it’s the silence in between the noise that makes life worth living...